How to Actually LOVE Yourself

Self-love is more trendy now than it used to be, but we can’t confuse it with arrogance and selfishness. This is one of the few trends that I’m glad about. Everyone talks about the need to love ourselves, but no one tells us how to do it. There are many podcasts and videos on the subject, so I’m going to summarize some things that I found. I’ll share what worked for me, and you can try whatever works for you (and if you want, you can then share it with me, I’ll really appreciate it).

I started learning more about self-love during the worst period of my depression because I thought it would help me get back on my feet. And it kind of worked, but it’s always easier to love yourself when everything in your life is going great. Let me tell you, my life was definitely not going the way I wanted, so I had to learn how to play the “happy game” – learning to see the good stuff, even though many things were going downhill.

Apps that can help you in the beginning

The phone is a great place to start – you look at it every day and many times a day. A long time ago, I started using the Bible app for guided prayers, and then I found out that it also has widgets with quotes (and if you’re Christian, you know that many of them contain more wisdom than it might seem at first glance). That was great, but I wanted something more. After a recommendation from my friend, I downloaded the Motivation app. You can set all different types of styles and colors (even more when you pay for it, but I think that’s a waste of money since despite the pretty colors, you can have many features for free). I set my notification for 8 am, so in the morning during breakfast, I read my “motivation quote” for the day. I try to think about it during the day. It’s a nice push towards the “happy game” during the day.

Everyone has bad moments – Everybody has flaws

In this world controlled by social media, it’s good to remind ourselves that social media are fake. Think about it – you wouldn’t post pictures of yourself when you’re sad (for instance, if you’re not accepted to university or something like that). People around you are the same as you are – they’re posting just successes, not failures – so stop comparing your true self with your vision of someone else.

That’s about other people, but now let’s focus back on ourselves (you). We already said that other people have flaws that you don’t know about, but you also have flaws. And now you have two options – you can either deny it or admit it and work on it. You have to love yourself with your flaws. Think about it: when you’re in a relationship, your partner is also not perfect, and you still love him/her, why couldn’t you do this for you? Relationships come and go, but you’re the one that’s going to spend your whole life with you.

If you’re overweight or if there’s something about yourself that you don’t like and want to change, you should learn how to work on it (more so than complain about it – no one likes a crybaby). For example, Demosthenes had problems with tics during speeches, but he didn’t let his disability stop him. I’m not saying that you can fight every single one of your flaws, but you can fight most of them if you want and are willing to try hard enough.

Practice makes perfection

Try to practice self-love – a gratitude journal is a good way to do that. There are some great options for guided gratitude journals that can walk you through the process. Or you can just grab a piece of paper and either find some gratitude journaling prompts on the internet or just start simple – ask yourself what is the one thing that you are grateful for that happened today (or yesterday) if you journal in the morning.

Learn something new

Learn a new skill – I know it sounds stupid, but hear me out. Learn how to play guitar, or how to sing, or some new skill that will make your work easier, or some skill that will make your life easier. Because when you know how to do something, firstly you can help others, but also you can then think of yourself as a more interesting person, and that’s what you want, right?

Don’t get cocky

Self-love is supposed to lead to confidence, but if you’re not careful, it can also lead to cockiness, arrogance, and selfishness. So try not to let your newly gained confidence fill your head.


I personally prefer prayers over journals, but I try to do both. It’s hard, and sometimes crying helps as well – it releases hormones, so in the end, you end up feeling a lot better. Self-love doesn’t mean being stupid and pretending that everything is great. It means that you can make it through rough times with a smile on your face and know that it just made you stronger. It is what it is, and it’s better than pitying yourself and looking back with regret. Yes, sometimes even this is important, but usually, it’s better to look forward – learn from your mistakes and try your best! I’ve been through a lot of stuff, and it may sound egotistic, but I am stronger than many people I know because I know what I’ve gone through, and I survived. If I got through that, I can get through much more – and if I can, you can too!

If you read the whole article, thank you very much. I hope it was encouraging or inspiring, and see you letter.

Ressily


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